Mikey says (5:48 PM): God fucking dammit. I have a big fucking sign that says "EMAIL ONLY" on my closed door. Why would you fucking knock on it? Especially to ask me a question about something that someone else said. The world's fattest man says (5:49 PM): because people like you and respect your opinion. Mikey says (5:50 PM): I want a gun. The world's fattest man says (5:50 PM): good answer.
That's a terribly constructed sentence. It has scarred me mentally. Oh, look. I told a story.
What is on the walls in your room?
Paint. No, seriously.
Do you snore, grind your teeth, or talk in your sleep?
All of the above. People have heard me snoring from across the house.
What type of music do you listen to?
It depends on my mood. If I'm working I listen to a lot of classical music, but I sometimes switch to techno or trance.
Do you know what time you were born?
25 o'clock.
What do you want more than anything right now?
I would like the ability to remember how much I hate doing these things. I always get to right around question 6 and say to myself "Oh, goddammit. I'm doing it again."
What do you miss?
Xenu.
What is your most prized possession?
A small stuffed dog who is currently dressed as either a vampire or a drag queen.
How tall are you?
6'1"
Do you get claustrophobic?
No - people always have to explain it to me.
Do you get scared in the dark?
No - people always have to explain it to me.
The last person to make you cry?
Uh... John Wilkes Boothe? I don't know, I don't really keep track.
What kind of hair/eye color do you like on the opposite sex?
I'm a big fan of blondes and redheads, though I think pink hair is hot. And blue or green eyes. Or both. I don't care.
Where can you see yourself being proposed to at?
A funeral.
Coffee or energy drink?
Energy drinks. I think coffee tastes like someone wiped their ass on a used sock and then ran some warm water through it.
Favorite pizza topping?
Souls of the damned. With extra cheese.
If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?
I can't. I'm too busy unpacking boxes.
Have you ever eaten a goldfish?
Now is about the time when I start getting angry at the meme for being a meme. No. I've never eaten a fucking goldfish. Well, maybe I have. I've eaten a lot of stuff that I couldn't immediately identify. I suppose one of them could have been a goldfish.
What was the first meaningful gift you ever received?
I'm sure it was something from my mom.
Do you like anybody?
Nope. Nobody. I hate everybody. Except Ron Popeil.
Are you double jointed?
Only where it counts, babydoll.
Favorite clothing brand?
opaque.
Do you have a pet right now?
I have an imaginary weasel named JimmyJoe McBettyWillGrandmaFrankston. None of this is funny. I want to stop answering these questions.
What kind is it?
A kiwi. Yeah... a kiwi-weasel.
Would you fall in love knowing that the person is leaving?
I already did.
What is the best way to tell someone how much they mean to you:
Somehow that involves MySpace, I'm sure.
Say a number from one to a hundred:
No.
Blondes or brunettes?
Yes please.
What is the one number you call most often?
718 387 6962 NARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Have you been out of the USA?
Thankfully, yes. And given the chance I would leave and never come back. We've destroyed this country, and there is no way we can ever get it back. The most we can hope to do is better manage the damage.
Your weaknesses?
You mean structurally, or what?
Met anyone famous?
I was almost arrested by Chris Farley's brother once. Does that count?
Ever done a prank call?
No. I'm a saint among men. Update: I've had it pointed out to me by many people that this is totally inaccurate, but I think that depends on perception. See, I've been present for a lot of prank calls, but I've not ... no, wait. Yeah, I have.
I totally stole this from Colin, but once I called a movie theater and did the following: Me: Hi, I was wondering how much you charged for adults. Dude: $8.00 Me: I see. And how much for children? Dude: $5.00 Me: Excellent. Do you deliver? :: click ::
Have you ever had surgery?
Not from a doctor.
What were you doing before you filled this out?
The same thing that I'm doing *while* I'm filling this out: working.
What do you get complimented about most?
My typing skills.
How many kids do you want?
2. BettyWill and WarshPeeants.
Were you named after anyone?
I honestly don't know. Michael is a very common name, and was the most common name for boys during the 1970s and 1980s. Whether I'm named after anyone in particular or whether my mom was just following the crowd, I couldn't tell you.
Update from Mom.com: Your birth mother's brother. He was in construction and built silo's with another brother and died when scaffolding he was on broke. Very sad as brother #2 watched him fall and tried to resuscitate him before ambulance came.
Michael is name she gave you in hospital and name we kept for you out of respect for her & family.
Do you wish on stars?
Do you sit on used herion needles?
What kind of shampoo do you use?
Head & Shoulders, though I only use it on the former.
Do you like your handwriting?
Sometimes. Ever since I started writing in all uppercase in the 10th grade I like it better. I've had a lot of people tell me that they really like the way I write, but I've also have people stop a meeting in which I was writing on the whiteboard because they wanted someone with legible writing to take my place. So, the answer to your question is 'meh.'
What is your favorite lunch meat?
Turkey.
Any bad habits?
No. I am an angel among men.
If you were another person, would you be friends with you?
If I were to meet me, it would be a fairly precarious situation. On the off chance that one of us wouldn't be a complete and utter dick to the other, we would likely become fast friends. More likely, we'd be mortal enemies.
Do looks matter?
Yeah. Why?
What was your favorite toy as a child?
The decaying corpse of a homeless man I found in a field.
Do you use sarcasm?
“No.”
Mashed potatoes or macaroni and cheese?
Mashed potatoes. Ah luvs me sum potatoes.
What are your nicknames?
Formerly "Meegee" or "Meegs" - now most people call me Mikey or Lunchbox.
Yes. I would like everyone in the world to take a moment of their time and answer all of these questions. The world would be such a better place if we would all take the time to... oh, fuck it. No. Fuck off.
What are you listening to?
The broken fan on one of the computers in my office. It's experimental hardware, and it used to just be sort of noisy.
Then I kicked it to make it stop. That's when the fan broke. Or possibly it was during one of the following kicks. I don't know.
Last thing you drank?
Talking Rain Lime water.
Last person you talked to on the phone?
Apparently, my Insurance Agent - Jason McDudeman.
Favorite thing to hate?
You.
Favorite month of the year?
You.
What is your hair color?
Brown.... and grey.
What is your eye color?
Red, like the flames of Hades!!!!
Favorite fast food place?
Why can't this thing just be fucking over with? I don't want to answer any more questions, but I'm too stubborn to just stop doing this.
Fuzzy came out to visit this weekend, if you hadn't already known that from reading his blog. Our mutual friend, Pedro (who's real name is Jason), was going to be in Seattle this weekend, and was able to convince Marc that he should fly in from MKE.
And so he did. I picked the fucker up from the airport on thursday - a full 12 hours after he bought his tickets (Actually... 14... he was in CST, not PST).
And then the trouble started.
It was Fuzzy and Holly's birthday, so I took Holly out that night for Sushi at Wasabi Bistro. We talked a bit after that night, and decided that I would return to spend the night with her on Sunday, which I am really looking forward too. You hear that hon - I want to come over Sunday night. A lot.
Anyway, the weekend was fantastic.
Friday night, we had Marc, Me, Pedro and Laeren out on the town. We started out in the U district for a few drinks plus dinner, and then moved down toward the Belletown area. During part of the journey, I led us onto the wrong bus, so after a short period of insults, I directed us to a cab and down to Fado after a short layover in the W.
Fado is an Irish pub with punk waitresses. And I love that. Always have, always will.
::: skip some time :::
And now it's Saturday night. Laeren was not out with us tonight, so we were on our own in capitol hill. We explored Broadway a bit, and found a few bars to try out. First bar was probably an ok club, but the cover was $5, and there was nobody there. We left.
Second bar - the WildRose, or something like that - was... different. We walked in, and showed our IDs. Everyone in the bar looked at us. Including all the ugly guys. And then we noticed... those weren't ugly guys. Those were ugly, lesbain women. We had tried to get into a lesbian bar. We walked away quickly.
To be continued.... I'm too tired to finish the story now...
Marc says (12:57 PM): sir, are you aware that what you're doing is illegal?
Squiggly Von Bumbletrumbin says (12:59 PM): are you aware that what you're doing is stupid?
Marc says (12:59 PM): I don't appreciate your tone, sir.
Marc says (1:00 PM): And I don't think those children appreciate having their rectums packed with gunpowder, then being fired at cars off the overpass.
Squiggly Von Bumbletrumbin says (1:00 PM): yes they do. they told me so.
Marc says (1:01 PM): oh?
Marc says (1:01 PM): well, I'm still going to have to give you a littering ticket.
Squiggly Von Bumbletrumbin says (1:02 PM): come on... why don't you just pack a little gun powder in this 12 year old and try it out for yourself?
Marc says (1:02 PM): no, no, I really couldn't... I'm on duty.
Marc says (1:02 PM): will you be here around 5:00?
Squiggly Von Bumbletrumbin says (1:02 PM): come on... just try one... who's going to know?
Marc says (1:03 PM): ...
Marc says (1:03 PM): I'll bet that 10-year-old could do 500 meters, easy...
Squiggly Von Bumbletrumbin says (1:04 PM): if we shave his head, probably 520. maybe 530.
Marc says (1:04 PM): have you tried removing limbs and seeing what that gets you?
Squiggly Von Bumbletrumbin says (1:07 PM): you know, I've considered it, but I've never actually tried it. Do you happen to have a hacksaw?
Marc says (1:07 PM): of course. it's in the trunk of the cruiser.
Marc says (1:08 PM): ...ignore the handcuffed naked guy in there. especially when he claims to be the officer whose car and uniform I stole.
Squiggly Von Bumbletrumbin says (1:08 PM): will do
Marc says (1:09 PM): I think this has reached it logical conclusion.
Squiggly Von Bumbletrumbin says (1:09 PM): as do I.
Squiggly Von Bumbletrumbin says (1:09 PM): so which one of us is going to blog this?
The following is a transcript of a voicemail that I allegedly left for Fuzzy. I wasn't going to release this in the hopes that I could get a recording of it and use it on a blogcast, but I don't think that's ever going to happen.
Just to set this up, I was drunk, and was talking like I was reading from the Bible. I don't remember doing this.
Ah, there was a time when something happened, and there were some guys who had some guns and a ball and was walking down a hallway. Long, long, dark, deep dark hallway of the soul... And they left this corridor to the bright sunny... sun... guy... of the outside with--no, they were not allowed to leave--there were guards with guns and dogs and pink uniforms that they could not get past.
So, this lovely bunch, this few, 16 men, they're armed with cake and figgies(?) and possibly... possibly some credit cards, walked about for ages and ages and ages until a baby was born whose name... was Filament. And Filament as he grew came to be a representative... um... of faith among the elders of the tribe... and Filament one day went to the elders and he said, "I... would like a pony for Christmas." And the elders said, "No, no, you cannot have a pony, you will get an AK-47 machine gun with unlimited ammunition... and such... because you are... the savior."
And so, the kids, uh... killed everyone. And, uh... and this is actually a parable, [Fuzzy]. because, um... because, basically, your days are numbered, and someone is going to come kill you.
Fuzzy and I had nothing to talk about today. That, in and of itself is not significant. What is significant is ... well... nothing about it was significant. I'm sorry for wasting your time.
Whipping Boy says: If I had to use a single word to describe you, that word would have to be "mancandy." Chimpy McGee says: that's funny, because if I had to use a single word to describe you, that word would have to be "luvsdacock" Whipping Boy says: With "asstastic" coming in a close second. Chimpy McGee says: uh huh Whipping Boy says: yeah Chimpy McGee says: so. you're useless Whipping Boy says: how useless? Whipping Boy says: like, "you" level useless, or "reality tv" useless? Chimpy McGee says: like me on reality tv Whipping Boy says: wow Whipping Boy says: that's... Whipping Boy says: stunning. Chimpy McGee says: I'm sorry to have to be that graphic with you Whipping Boy says: I see. Chimpy McGee says: so, what should we talk about now? Whipping Boy says: how about cheese? Chimpy McGee says: sounds like a perfectly reasonable topic Whipping Boy says: Or we could argue about something pointless. Chimpy McGee says: I vote for that one Whipping Boy says: hmm... Whipping Boy says: how about the Chinese vs. Red Lobster? Chimpy McGee says: Red Lobster. Hands down. Whipping Boy says: You've got to be kidding. Whipping Boy says: China is at least as red. Chimpy McGee says: yeah, but I really think that the claws are what take the cake, here Whipping Boy says: I'm sure there have to be some mutant Chinese with claws. Chimpy McGee says: and just how would they use chopsticks? They'd all be dead, or at least, significantly malnourished Whipping Boy says: I'm not really finding this interesting either Chimpy McGee says: well, you shouldn't have picked such a black-and-white topic, then.
Eszközök 
Súgó
